I'm So Confused
As my mother calls her.
Got up this morning, and because we are in the middle of a heat wave, dug to the bottom of m drawer and grabbed a skirt I’ve not worn in a while. I have it half way on before I realize that it’s the one I wore home from Hawaii. The morning I miscarried. That morning I put it on and DaddyO and I marveled at how much I was starting to show already. We took it as a sign that everything was going well. I mean, other wise, why would I have a little belly popping up?
That night at the hospital we found out the reason for the belly was a subchorionic hematoma. It was the beginning of the miscarriage. Nothing was ok.
I thought about putting the skirt back and finding something else, but since Monkey was fussy and we were already running late, I figure this would be a good time to reclaim a favorite skirt, and we head off, emotions even closer to the surface then anticipated.
The RE asked a bunch of questions about my health and how I was feeling. More then my OB at my post mc check up. It made me feel better. Like someone in charge finally cared. (Worse timed change of insurance and Dr’s ever. It went into effect two days after the mc. I should have just paid out of pocket and seen my regular OB.)
She started in on the pro’s and cons of a fresh vs frozen cycle and I let her know we couldn’t afford another fresh cycle.
“Oh. Well, that makes that decision doesn’t it. We have great results with FET.”
We asked a bunch of questions. DaddyO was very involved. He wants me to feel better. Normal again. I asked her what the chances are that our FET would result in a baby and she sighed, leaned over and wrote a number on the peice of paper she had been using to diagram a FET for us. Then circled it.
10%
Hrm. Unless she forgot a “0″ this is not the “great results” I pictured. I’m tempted to ask what a poor result is, but move on.
She said she had to make a guess because at my advance age, (F*CK people, I’m only 41! The way she talks I feel like I should be looking into active living adult communities!) usually they would transfer at least two. So, that is the number left after you account for having only one embryo, and the miscarrige rate at my age.
Once again, I left in tears and DaddyO left feeling better. He pointed out that she was quoting rates for all IVF transfers in my age range. He thinks we have a better chance because as we all know, my uterus is a hospitipal place. At least it was when I was 15. Plus, we have the Marvolous Monkey. He wants me to relax and have faith that it will work.
So I’ve decided to do everything in my power to help it work.
I will plan something fo the begining of November that I can not do if I’m pregnant. Skydiving? Brewpub tour? Any ideas?
I’m also going to invest in some really nice jeans that fit really well. Surely that will ensure an immediate and significant weight change.
I’m also going to start doing sit ups every morning and using my weighted hoola hoop on a regular basis. Surely the smaller my waist at transfer, the greater likelyhood it will take.
Am I forgetting anything?
10%. What. Holy shit that hurts. Someone asked me once how I would feel about a ten percent chance to get cancer. It makes the number seem a lot higher, doesn't it?
I don't know. I know it is a mind game, but you gotta play, including seeing your skirt as a good sign. Your body gets pregnant and it will do it again.
I think expensive jeans will guarantee you to get pregnant so you waste the money on them. Plus a nice looking ass is nothing but helpful to maintain that positive MF attitude we are supposed to have through the whole wretched process.
Don't wear your wedding ring when you get your transfer, that way the embryo will think you're not married. That worked for me.
Have you ever heard the % likelihood of a woman getting pregnant the old-fashioned way in any particular cycle? It's actually not much better than 10%, if I recall correctly. Not that that is any consolation, but maybe?
I'm really glad you had your appointment but BOO HISS to the 10%. Though, where do doctors GET these numbers from? Honestly, sometimes I think they've got a hat with little scrunched up pieces of paper that they consult. And I just have to believe that your odds are better, given the fact that you have Monkey.
I'm glad you reclaimed the skirt. There are a few pieces like that in my wardrobe. I do wear them, but laundering doesn't ever seem to work on those particular (memory) stains, alas.
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