February 3, 2012

50% off another Monkey

I’m trying not to obsess. I really am. I’m trying SO HARD not to run to the nearest Target rip a box of pregnancy tests off the shelf and pee on them right there in the aisle. Partly because I really like shopping at the Target and I don’t think they would let me back after that, and partly because I know it’s too early at 4dp6dt to get a result.

I’m trying really hard not to obsess over every little symptom. Are those implantation cramps or am I just constipated? Is Monkey’s poop just a little bit more gag inducing today? Or am I getting a little sensitive to smells? Is that the progesterone causing this nausea? Did I have this much nausea during my last two week wait? WHY AM I SO HORNEY? Is it just because I am on doctor ordered pelvic rest, or is it because there is more blood flow to my Lady City. (Thank you @DresdenPlaid for the most awesome new name for my girlie parts ever!) And if it’s just from being told I can’t have sex, wouldn’t co-sleeping also make me incredibly horny because Hello?! There is 28 adorable pounds of razor sharp toenails and kung fu jabbing elbows between myself and my Mr every night. It’s the progesterone isn’t it.  Read more...

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February 2, 2012

The Other Women: Tizz, from Baby Domme Blues

It's not all rainbows and snuggly hearts

It's not all rainbows and snuggly hearts

This is a guest post from Tizz and Baby Domme Blues. This is the first of two parts. If you would like to be part of my The Other Women series and write about your sexual identity, contact me! Your story can be silly, sexy or sad. There is no normal and all points of view are invited to join.

THEN

We were under the bed, hidden from the light, and Jamie told me she had a new game for us to play.  “Pull down your pants,” she told me.  Ignoring my refusal, she pulled them down herself.  Jamie was always in control.  The memory becomes obscure after this, stripped down to the view of the coils under the mattress and the sound of her voice.  Her mother called for us, and we scrambled, filled with worry and guilt, caught with our hands in the cookie jar.  Her hand, rather.  She hastily rolled out from under the bed, and yelled at me to do the same.  Read more...

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February 1, 2012

This weeks edition of … Boobs.

G( . )( . )gle

G( . )( . )gle

If this cycle doesn’t work, I want to start saving for a boob job and a tummy tuck. Should be ready to go by the time I’m 50. I’m pretty open about it. I don’t understand why someone can get a tattoo and show it off, but should be ashamed of getting their tits adjusted.

I don’t see the difference.

It all falls under the heading of Body Manipulations. It’s also about moderation. Too many tattoos is the same thing as too much plastic surgery – at least in my mind. Both are pretty. Both look painful. Both offer some pretty hilarious results if done poorly.

I’ve had implants and a lift. I had a little lipo. It’s nearly 15 years, one baby, 2 miscarriages and 3 failed transfers later. I’m do.

I just ran across this article about Brazilian B’s. It seems most people in Brazil are pretty open about plastic surgery there. At least boob jobs. I’m assuming butt implants and sex changes too as that’s what I always knew them for.  Read more...

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January 31, 2012

Manny Moe Curly

Manny Moe and Curly

Manny Moe and Curly

Manny, Moe and Curly are on board.Manny and Moe are perfect hatching 6 day blasts. Curly is, as the RE put it, still catching up.

And now we wait. Although I’m pretty sure I’ve already gassed them with my lethal progesterone gas. Good lord. It’s always bad, but this time it really, truly is lethal. So glad the Mr is out of town.

All three defrosted beautifully. The embryologist, a hot french woman came in after the transfer to give me a picture of the embryos and said that Manny and Moe were expanded when frozen, but began hatching immediately upon defrost. This is a very good sign.

I’m torn between wanting to enjoy the illusion that I’m pregnant, and not wanting to think about it at all so that I’m not heartbroken when it doesn’t work.

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January 30, 2012

This is it!

This Is Is

This Is Is

In the immortal words of Michael Jackson; This Is It. I don’t know why my transfers always have musical references, they just do. Last time it was OK-Go.

Actually, I think OK-Go, Here It Goes Again is the anthem of all woman doing transfers, IUIs or a two week wait of any sort. Probably not what they were thinking when they wrote the song and climbed on their treadmills, but there you have it.

This Is It is much better suited this time. Because I have no tubes. really, this is it. If this doesn’t work, there are no more chances.

I guess I’m lucky in that I’m not going to be tortured month in and month out wondering and waiting and hoping. There is no more hope and I can move on to bigger and better things.

What ever those would be.

I’m also so very lucky to have scored an out of the park home run with my very first cycle that brought us Monkey. No matter what happens in the next 10 days, I still have my Monkey.  Read more...

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January 25, 2012

Dare to Hope

I dare you to Hope. Muther Fucker.

I dare you to Hope. Muther Fucker.

For some reason, I am suddenly hopeful. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the thinking I had a cyst and getting mentally prepared to have the cycle cancelled. Maybe it was finding out the my lining was at 12 (muther. fucker. 12!!). Or maybe it’s just a case of the crazies setting in.

Probably the later.

But I do feel hopeful. For the first time in ages. This is our last cycle with our last three little snowbabies. Surely. Out of all those embryos, there has to be one good one. Surely… its one of these three.

The three Musketeers.

Transfer is set for next Monday. Beta is scheduled for Feb 8th – which is the Mr’s birthday. SURELY I couldn’t get a BFN on his birthday.

*Hopes comes crashing down.*

After all. I’m the girl who found out I had a Zombie Fetus on Halloween. The gods, they are always a laughing at me.

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January 23, 2012

Houston. We… don’t..? have a problem.

No problems here. Yet.

No problems here. Yet.

This morning, despite none of the 42 OPK’s I’ve pee’d on the last five days being positive, I went to my RE for my mid-cycle date with Mr Wandy. I have been having crazy cramps in right ovary for the last 4 or 5 days. My right ovary is the asshole. Every day closer to the wanding brought a higher stress level as I was certain I was going to be cancelled.

As I laid back on the exam table I told the Dr (sometimes refered to as Dr Hottie) that was a lot of ovary cramping and that I was sure I had a cyst. The Dr smiled kindly as if to say… yeah, whatever.

As it turns out? 18mm follie getting ready to go. On the left. Nothing on the right. (Did I mention that my right ovary is an asshole?) And? My thickest lining to date! 12mm!!

So, everything is moving forward.  Read more...

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January 20, 2012

OPK’s are assholes

I'd kill for 2 minutes alone in the bathroom.

I'd kill for 2 minutes alone in the bathroom.

Seriously.

Today was the day that I started peeing on ovulation predictor kits.officially. I pee’d on one yesterday, but that was just practice. Like I need it.

Well. Actually I do. Because when I was 21, my abusive ex bullied me into having an abortion, I turned around and had my tubes tied. So, I’m the only infertile I know who doesn’t know how to track my cycle. Sick joke that nature plays on me though? Because my cycles are regular and IF has blessed me with more knowledge then babies, I can tell when I ovulate. That’s extra special knowledge on those cycles when we aren’t cycling.

Like all the ones I have in my future.

Makes me wonder why we just didn’t invest in the reversal. Oh yeah, because we never imagined it would take so many cycles with my good numbers and my regular cycles. Blarg.  Read more...

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January 19, 2012

This is it people!

And now the screaming starts

And now the screaming starts

Tomorrow I turn 43. And, unless something big happens in the next couple of hours, I will not have discovered the real answer to life, the universe and everything. I feel completely let down by Douglas Adams.

Tomorrow I also start my ovulation predictor kits for this final cycle. That’s not totally true. Because I’m a POAS addict, I pee’d on one today.

I am not ovulating.

Yet.

Hopefully, I will get a positive this weekend and everything will move forward as planned. A BFP in a couple weeks would be grand. But seriously, at this point, I’m just ready to be done.

Which totally means I will get a BFP and probably go through the long drawn out hell that will result in a miscarriage just like last time. My body seems to be rather insistent on reaping maximum heart break from this whole process.

Really wish I felt more positive going into this. I know bringing home a baby is a possibility. But so is winning the lottery.  Read more...

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January 18, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

20120118-142542.jpg

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