Dead Cow Girl: Dominatrix Mommy Blogger

January 25, 2012

Dare to Hope

I dare you to Hope. Muther Fucker.

For some reason, I am suddenly hopeful. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the thinking I had a cyst and getting mentally prepared to have the cycle cancelled. Maybe it was finding out the my lining was at 12 (muther. fucker. 12!!). Or maybe it’s just a case of the crazies setting in.

Probably the later.

But I do feel hopeful. For the first time in ages. This is our last cycle with our last three little snowbabies. Surely. Out of all those embryos, there has to be one good one. Surely… its one of these three.

The three Musketeers.

Transfer is set for next Monday. Beta is scheduled for Feb 8th – which is the Mr’s birthday. SURELY I couldn’t get a BFN on his birthday.

*Hopes comes crashing down.*

After all. I’m the girl who found out I had a Zombie Fetus on Halloween. The gods, they are always a laughing at me.

3 Comments

Filed under Random Fluffy Bits

Tagged as #hope

January 23, 2012

Houston. We… don’t..? have a problem.

No problems here. Yet.

This morning, despite none of the 42 OPK’s I’ve pee’d on the last five days being positive, I went to my RE for my mid-cycle date with Mr Wandy. I have been having crazy cramps in right ovary for the last 4 or 5 days. My right ovary is the asshole. Every day closer to the wanding brought a higher stress level as I was certain I was going to be cancelled.

As I laid back on the exam table I told the Dr (sometimes refered to as Dr Hottie) that was a lot of ovary cramping and that I was sure I had a cyst. The Dr smiled kindly as if to say… yeah, whatever.

As it turns out? 18mm follie getting ready to go. On the left. Nothing on the right. (Did I mention that my right ovary is an asshole?) And? My thickest lining to date! 12mm!!

So, everything is moving forward. Read more...

10 Comments

Filed under Trying To Breed

Tagged as FET

January 20, 2012

OPK’s are assholes

I'd kill for 2 minutes alone in the bathroom.

Seriously.

Today was the day that I started peeing on ovulation predictor kits.officially. I pee’d on one yesterday, but that was just practice. Like I need it.

Well. Actually I do. Because when I was 21, my abusive ex bullied me into having an abortion, I turned around and had my tubes tied. So, I’m the only infertile I know who doesn’t know how to track my cycle. Sick joke that nature plays on me though? Because my cycles are regular and IF has blessed me with more knowledge then babies, I can tell when I ovulate. That’s extra special knowledge on those cycles when we aren’t cycling.

Like all the ones I have in my future.

Makes me wonder why we just didn’t invest in the reversal. Oh yeah, because we never imagined it would take so many cycles with my good numbers and my regular cycles. Blarg. Read more...

5 Comments

Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., The Little Monkey, Trying To Breed

Tagged as Humiliation

January 19, 2012

This is it people!

And now the screaming starts

Tomorrow I turn 43. And, unless something big happens in the next couple of hours, I will not have discovered the real answer to life, the universe and everything. I feel completely let down by Douglas Adams.

Tomorrow I also start my ovulation predictor kits for this final cycle. That’s not totally true. Because I’m a POAS addict, I pee’d on one today.

I am not ovulating.

Yet.

Hopefully, I will get a positive this weekend and everything will move forward as planned. A BFP in a couple weeks would be grand. But seriously, at this point, I’m just ready to be done.

Which totally means I will get a BFP and probably go through the long drawn out hell that will result in a miscarriage just like last time. My body seems to be rather insistent on reaping maximum heart break from this whole process.

Really wish I felt more positive going into this. I know bringing home a baby is a possibility. But so is winning the lottery. Read more...

3 Comments

Filed under Trying To Breed

Tagged as 2ww, FET, ttc

January 18, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

5 Comments

Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues.

January 18, 2012

Just the Facts, Ma’am.

Just the fact, Ma

I’ve thought on this for a couple days. The stress has subsided enough that the eye twitch has finally subsided. But I still don’t know…. well… it’s just that… oh. balls.

I won’t talk about my older kids often on this blog. They are in their twenties and the have already suffered enough with my “mothering” and don’t need to add “she blogged about me” to their therapy agenda. Plus, thanks to Facebook, at least one of them knows about this blog. Because yes. Even though I was terribly careful not to friend anyone as Dead Cow Girl and with my Family Friendly Account, Facebook still asked my oldest if he wasn’t sure he didn’t know Dead Cow Girl. Uhg. Thanks FuckFaceBook.

So. Just the facts.

Exhibit A: I went to visit The Family for the weekend and to go to my daughter in law’s babyshower. They all live in the same community in The Boobdocks. It’s the same community I lived in with their dad. My abuser. It was a lifetime ago and I generally am well past that… except when I return to that community. It all comes back to me. Read more...

10 Comments

Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., The grandkids

Tagged as oh god oh god oh god oh god, still waiting for the hilarity to ensue

January 13, 2012

Milk Makers and Money Shakers: Grace

Demystifying the Sex Worker Mommy

Name: Grace

Sexy Occupation: I was primarily a Dominatrix, but also participated in other forms of sex work, including modeling and street-level work

How long have you been a sex worker? About 6 years

Children’s ages: R.E., age 3. I was also a log-time nanny for two children (R, age 13 and M, age 9) and their mother knew about and supported my work as a pro-Domme, even watching my child for me when I had sessions.

All About Grace, the woman: Read more...

3 Comments

Filed under Milk Makers Money Shakers

Tagged as Milk Makers and Money Shakers, sex positive feminism, sex worker mamma's, sex workers

January 13, 2012

Destination Unknown

Just a tinsy bit lost and confused

Well. This is it. Aunt Flo is here. The husband has had his pre-transfer freak out. The paperwork has been signed. Nothing can stop me from killing these embryos with my uterus. We are looking at doing the transfer on the 30th of January, give or take a couple days, as it is a natural cycle. Then, my TCC days will be behind me. That will be about 10 days after my 43rd birthday.

Oh good lord, how did I get to be so old? In my brain, I’m still the lost, confused, wondering what I’m going to do with myself, girl child who is trying to get her problem skin under control and figure out what to do with her hair.

No. Wait. I’m still all of that. I’m just now doing it in my early 40′s rather then my early 20′s. And now I have a zits on my wrinkles.

Oh, Balls. Read more...

21 Comments

Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., The Spanking Factory, Trying To Breed

Tagged as killing embryos with my uterus, ttc, Waiting, wondering

January 9, 2012

My G-Spot History

G Spot

According to everything I read when I was learning about my sexuality, hidden in tree forts and in the back of the neighbors garage, from the ill gotten playboys and penthouse, was that the g-spot was this amazing thing that, should a woman have one, just needed the slightest of touch to send her into multi-orgasmic seizures. It was like the button on game shows. All someone would need to do is slap it and…

BUUZZZ!!!! I could *not* wait.

I looked for it on my own but was unsuccessful. I obviously needed someone to help me find it. Maybe boys, and certain worldly girls, were born with the knowledge of just were this 8th wonder of the world lay hidden.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out they were not.

It’s taken years of personal research, but here is what I have decided. Read more...

I do have a g-spot!
I love g-spot stimulation
I don’t come from simply g-spot stimulation.

4 Comments

Filed under Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Girls

Tagged as awkward sexual history, g-spot, g-spot January

January 9, 2012

Vegas, Baby

Cocktails! Like grown-ups!!

Every year, my Mr goes to CES and I wander around both CES and The Adult Entertainment Expo all day waiting for him to get done working his companies booth, then we go out Into The Night. It’s always been a full week of tech, porno, food, cocktails and very little sleep. This year we had reserved a time share but because Monkey jut started at a new school, and my Mr just started his company, we couldn’t go to CES, but decided that instead of letting the time share go to waste, we would go the weekend before and have one last blow out weekend before I return to my Start Up Widow status and do our last transfer and hopefully, end up pregnant. It would be The Last Alcohol Fueled Hurrah.